Is your writing mentally retarded?

Recently I've been editing some very bad writing. I'm patient, and caring, and meticulous; and I understand that the author has worked very hard, but at the same time I can't help comparing the writing to a historical trend of failing education and suffered grammar skills.

The vast majority of modern English speakers have very poor writing skills; and the vast majority of English speakers writing books also have very poor writing skills! Maybe this is because the well-educated, linguistically gifted among us have stable jobs and families and don't hunger so desperately for that American dream of writing a book and making a fortune in supplemental income. Maybe the recession is bringing out all the crazies from under the woodwork; who have the brilliant and inspired goal of educating mankind in the things that they themselves have come to realize like:
1) With hard work and passion, you can do anything.
2)....
That seems to be about all they've come up with so far.

In one book I'm editing, the author is using Abraham Lincoln as an example for his perseverance. During Abe's time (and about a century before and after his death) people who wrote for publication or wrote things that other people would read were nearly universally excellent writers and speakers. I mean, freaking fantastic. AWESOME.

If they got their hands on the book I'm editing now, they would have thought it was the product of a deranged man, an unlearned child, or an imbecile. A large part of the problem is that authors are recycling without reading anything for themselves (I'm guessing this author, while referring to the Gettysburg address, has never actually read it.) Although self-help gurus will use examples of superior men, they don't read the writings of these great men which they are recommending.

Is there a cure for mentally retarded writing?
Sadly no: for one thing, trying to write a book at all shows gargantuan effort and should be praised, regardless of the outcome (although I feel like they are in for a rude awakening when they try to publish). For another, the people with poor writing skills have (as demonstrated in their writing) poor logic skills and a lack of common sense. yes they can improve, they can learn, they can take classes... and they may get good enough to write a 'chicken soup for the soul' or a 'who moved my cheese?'.

If you are a struggling author who's not getting the feedback you feel you deserve - try this: go to the library and check out a couple "Norton Anthologies of Literature". Get the American and British anthology; that's about 300 years of the best English writing known to man. Read it, study it, practice copying it. (Read for 10 minutes, then write something similar trying to use the same style. There is simply no skipping history if you want to improve your writing, and I guarantee this will produce results for you.

Do you make these common writing mistakes? 5 steps to better writing

Along with the challenge of writing any type of document is the opportunity to make yourself look good (or very bad). Great writing speaks for itself and automatically bestows grace, good fortune and success upon its author; although we live in a world with very high literacy, the sad fact is that very few people can write well, and very many write atrocious garbage that is painful to bear. Follow the following tips religiously to go from mediocre to master.

1) Get educated! READ MORE

Humans are natural mimics: the easiest way to improve your writing is to read authors whose style you appreciate; read for at least 10 minutes and then write - your writing will automatically improve. But don't read garbage. Thomas Carlyle, Benjamin Franklin, C.S. Lewis, (his letters, not Narnia), and Plato are some amazing writers for non-fiction. For fiction, read Kafka, Dostoevsky, Isabel Allende...or even Tom Clancy and Dan Brown if that's the style you hope to imitate. Reading great writing will not only improve your own writing, but also give you reference material to name drop. "As Ben Franklin said in his Autobiography" or "As Plato described in The Symposium" makes you sound smart and well-read, and adds interest to your writing.

If you're an author with a non-fiction book, step one is extremely important! As an editor, I often get non-fiction books on a subject that have clearly not read relevant literature (self-help genre is the worst offender). If you haven't read the top 100 - or even top 10 - books on the subject your are writing about, what makes you think anybody cares what you have to say? There are hundreds of thousands of books in print, and some of them are fantastic; they don't need you to sum them up or dumb them down or recycle them. Reading a lot will help you to formulate an actually new idea or opinion and avoid becoming the pale shadow of better writers.

2) Practice makes perfect! WRITE MORE

A blog is a good way to get started. Write your opinions, emotions, short conversations you had, and post them on a blog. It doesn't matter if anybody read it; it only matters that it is in the public and thus you should feel self-conscious enough to clean it up and make it better than it would otherwise be. It's easy to write in 1st person "I think, I feel..." Shake it up by writing short stories (about yourself if you want) in 3rd person, writing essays, dialogs, poems.... practice makes perfect. Too many authors decided to write a book and that book is the first real writing they've ever done!

3) Simplicity is beautiful! TONE IT DOWN

Teenagers and aspiring authors love to use big, flowery words, run-on sentences, and a mashup of allegory, metaphor and allusion. Great writers don't. Yes, English is fun, and there are lots of things you can do with it. It's fun to feel clever and throw a lot of great words around and push and pull them... but picture this kind of writing like finger painting. Sure it's vibrant and colorful, but also messy and amateurish. Learning to write is the same as learning to paint - you focus on your skill, you paint a picture that says something, and captures more than momentary interest.

If a reader may have to use a dictionary to look up your word - delete it! Use words that people know. Nothing is worse than reading an other who likes to use the same, little used phrase or word repeatedly. It draws attention and by the 50th time it's physical painful to see that word or phrase again. Simple words disappear so that readers can see what you're saying.

The other huge mark of a terrible writer is mixing metaphors. References to sports, to economic terms, sea-faring terms, cliches etc all jumbled into the same paragraph is just ugly. Remember your purpose as a writer is to explain (an idea, or a story). You are telling readers what is happening. You are telling them how to react, how to feel. They are in your hands. Be clear, consistent, organized.

As a rule, always explain first and explain early. Show what is going on. Make your main points. Explain your concept (without a bunch of references or allusions to other things)! Examples or metaphors come after you've already explained as clearly as you can, and even then there should be two at most.

(I'm editing a book right now, where the author makes one unclear statement without defining his terms, and then supports it with about 15 examples, allusions, quotes by other people and metaphors. I never know what he's really talking about or what he's trying to say; and worse his examples are all contradictory or taken out of context.)

4) Readers hate to be confused! ORGANIZE YOUR THOUGHTS

Don't be random, don't mix metaphors, don't give examples that don't fit, or quotes that don't fit. Don't allegorize without first explaining. Have a purpose for everything you do and say; an order your readers can figure out.

The easy way to do this is with an outline; an outline is equally important for both fiction and non-fiction writers. What happens first, next, and last? How does the first effect the second and so on? Have a strong beginning and conclusion to every topic, aim, goal, scene or chapter. Finish your outline in as much detail as possible. How does this paragraph fit within the chapter? How does this chapter relate to the whole manuscript?

Everything you include must have a reason for being where it is, or for being there at all. If it doesn't fit the theme, doesn't forward the plot, doesn't help readers to understand what you're trying to get them to understand, then it's a waste of space.

Readers are interested only in what you've promised to provide (the plot/story or the topic of the book). Extra information is distracting; readers won't willingly just go along - they aren't hungry for just any random text. Keep it strong, sharp and focused.

5) There's no excuse for 'dirty' writing! EDIT

Yes, you can edit yourself (although it's hard). Take some time and space first, work on some other writing projects or read a lot of books, so you can come to it with a relatively clear mind.

How to self-edit? Look for long, winding sentences that cloud the point, end abruptly, don't make sense. Read things out loud; you should always be able to clearly and easily understand the flow of the language, like tossing a ball in the air. If you get stuck, confused, or stumble, the ball is dropped. (Read it out loud and when you stumble or slow down, there's a problem with the text).

Read your quotes and dialogs. They should be clear and natural - as if they were really spoken. If they sound like "writing" rather than speech (something somebody would actually say) then change them.

Look for repetition, especially repeating the same uncommon words or phrases that you like but which draw attention; even 2 is 1 too many. You can repeat 'great' a thousand times, although it's boring. But say "AWESOME" twice in the text and you've defined yourself as a writer and a person.

Less is more: cut out 3 plain adjectives or adverbs and replace it with one perfect one. Yes, you can use a thesaurus. Yes, uncommon words are fine if they really fit and if you don't overuse them. Keep your sentences short and clean.

Derek Murphy is a writer, editor and fine artist (http://www.derekmurphyart.com). He's currently an editor with Paper Perfect editing company (http://www.paper-perfect-editing.com).

How to write a self-help book that sells

I've had a lot of requests recently to edit self-help books, spiritual manuscripts, etc... seems that a lot of people out there are writing self-help books; and so this post is going to help clarify the common problems most modern self-help writers make, and how to write a book that somebody is actually going to read.

In general, you can't go wrong with self-help. Everybody wants to be happier, richer, more successful, more confident... if you can promise these things up front, you'll hook readers. The problem is on deliverance. Sure there have been many best-selling self help books and there always will be. The secret? Simplicity!

Most of the self-help manuscripts I've edited recently have been monumental treatises. Moreover, the majority of them are riddled with repetition, poorly formed analogies, description and explanation (rather than anecdotes and examples). You need to realize, you're competing with books like 'who moved my cheese'. If you can't break your book down into one, or a handful, of very simple (1 sentence) maxims which can be explained in more detail, keep working!

Only the very intellectual/well read philosophers are going to read a lengthy manuscript about self improvement - and they'll probably stick with some erudite Greek philosopher or Benjamin Franklin; some of the greatest writers the world has ever seen have written self-help advice, and you are competing with them (so do yourself a favor and read them).

There's a lot to do right, but most people do it wrong; so here's a checklist to make sure your self-help project is successful.
1) Read more! If nothing else, some well placed quotes from famous historical writers and philosophers will establish your credibility.
2) Keep it simple! Each chapter should have ONE idea that can be reduced to a single, catchy sentence. Lots of big, clear text and big chapter heading, etc.
3) Pick a focus! The best self-help books I've gotten recently have picked one specific technique and explained why it works. Trying to write a book without producing any new method will be difficult.
4) People don't want theory, they want practice. Give them actual exercises, habits, rituals, that they can DO.
5) People don't need explanations. They need anecdotes. Stories of other people who were successful. Allegories are great, but as Aristotle said - only geniuses are capable of producing great ones (so don't be surprised if other people don't get yours)
6) Don't try to be funny unless you're funny! (Ok - you're not going to know whether or not you're funny. You're going to need some tough love her. Don't ask a friend or a spouse. Give a few strangers 10 of your 'best lines' and see if they like them.)
7) Read 'Think and Grow Rich' by Napoleon Hill. It's still one of the best-selling self-help books of all time. It's a little dated, the examples are old, but the style (and enthusiasm) is great! You need that kind of enthusiasm and conversational tone and confidence to be successful.

Questions? contact me at www.paper-perfect-editing.com

Native English Editors from India

I'm going to blog about a controversial topic, but a) I think maybe my opinion is valid and useful for those seeking editing and proofreading and b) even if I'm wrong the topic may interest someone.

I just received a resume to edit from an editor from India; she says she's been working with a team of editors (she's also worked with a big publishing firm). Mostly she does type-setting. She seems to have a lot of experience.

I don't really mind editing the resume of an editor... you might think a skilled editor could do it herself but we all make mistakes and it's difficult to edit our own writing. There are a couple pretty bad mistakes (extra letters, poor spacing) that makes me wonder if she even gave it a quick once-over before sending it.

More to the point, the writing, although not terrible, isn't excellent. What does it matter? Well - maybe for her work, it doesn't. Maybe she's a very skilled formatter (I, myself, am not). Maybe most companies that contact her don't want to improve their writing; they just want it to be eye-clean. In fact, they probably do (if only because, it is very difficult for someone to realize that their own writing can be improved).

When people look for an editor or proofreader, mostly they want someone who will fix things, but not change things. That being the case, it's no wonder that there are a lot of proofreaders and editors from India (there's a lot of everything in India right now, but mostly in the services industries.) It's a skill with rules that can be learned and applied. Many of them are probably very good at proofreading and charge much, much less than similar services from Western Speaking Countries.

HOWEVER. Writing - good writing - is what makes any kind of document truly successful. A boring, poorly written paper, document, letter or even email, even if it is flawlessly clean, may still be ineffective. Anything written can be written better. And good writing shines, attracts, encourages and persuades. Good writing bonds with readers. Good writing is a product in itself...

I can't say that Indian people can't write. Of course not. Salman Rushdie is a damn fine writer. But I will suggest that many Indian people in the proofreading industry right now are applying a learned skill set which will fix, but not improve the text. This may be exactly what you want; but you shouldn't. Ideally you'd find someone really good at formatting, who will make it look awesome when printed, someone with a good idea for grammatical and punctuation details, and also someone who uses red ink liberally to rewrite clunky passages, get rid of redundancy, and improve word choice.

What you choose is of course up to you. For dry business manuals or reports, making it look good may be all that matters. But for anything where expressing your ideas, opinions and arguments is more important than how it looks, you need someone who can help you fix the writing.

Am I the greatest editor in the world? Maybe not. But I'm good, and my prices are very affordable.

www.paper-perfect-editing.com

Typos Matter! Edit your important documents!

I've just finished editing the portfolio of a business professional. Kudos to him for getting all of his writing edited and organized into a portfolio. HOWEVER: I assume that, as most of the portfolio included writing examples like school papers, interdepartmental memos, business letters, reports, etc... he used all of those documents without first getting them edited, which I feel is kind of tragic.

I read somewhere recently that some business execs argue that typos, mistakes in spelling and grammar in corporate text gives an 'organize sense' to a company; proving that it has a human face. I strongly disagree. Anybody who's educated enough to notice the typo is going to have a negative response to it, especially in a professional setting. The more professional, the more shocking it is to see a typo.

This particular business exec made lots and lots of mistakes in spelling, including the damnably easy things like "theirs/there's", "its/it's", "a/an". I can tell from his writing that he's a successful guy; good executive position of a large company, beautiful family, and I can't help wondering how he got so far in life making those spelling errors. Sure they're fine for a rough draft, for instant messaging and maybe even informal emails - but to turn in a college or postgraduate term paper with errors like that is both insulting and embarrassing.

It's hard to find an excuse. Ok, maybe his spelling sucks. Maybe that has never stopped him (he seems to have a strong personality) in getting ahead. Maybe the 'real men' of the business world all can't spell, but just drink whiskey and play golf and make obscene jokes and that's enough. I don't know.

For most people out there, I would strongly urge you to be more careful. Maybe you're not a gifted writer... but at least you can turn in a clean paper.

***side note: I wonder, actually, if I were a teacher, would I prefer the creative, well written but horribly misspelled paper, or the clean, nice, very boring paper. ??***

Typos Matter: Editing and Proofreading ads

I just finished making my first advertisements for my PaperPerfect editing website. I run a small business, so they aren't big and glossy. But they are cute and funny so - go watch and leave comments!

Funny Job Application Typos

Thanks to http://www.economicshelp.org for the hardest laugh I've had in a long time. The following hysterical resume typos are the cream of the crop. Get an editor!

“I have a graduate degree in unclear physics.” (I never understood physics either)

“I worked for 6 years as an uninformed security guard.” (ignorance is bliss)

“My last role was a plumbing and hating specialists.”

• “The academic scholarship I earned came with a plague.” (the cost of university is really too high these days)

• “Most of my experience to this point has been as a blue-color worker.” (was it very cold)

• “As part of the city maintenance crew, I repaired bad roads and defective brides.” (I’m sure you had your work cut out)

• “My career goal is to shave my talents with a growing company.”

• “My hobbies include raising long-eared rabbis as pets.” (Good Luck!)

From: Funniest typos at this is us