Funny Job Application Typos

Thanks to http://www.economicshelp.org for the hardest laugh I've had in a long time. The following hysterical resume typos are the cream of the crop. Get an editor!

“I have a graduate degree in unclear physics.” (I never understood physics either)

“I worked for 6 years as an uninformed security guard.” (ignorance is bliss)

“My last role was a plumbing and hating specialists.”

• “The academic scholarship I earned came with a plague.” (the cost of university is really too high these days)

• “Most of my experience to this point has been as a blue-color worker.” (was it very cold)

• “As part of the city maintenance crew, I repaired bad roads and defective brides.” (I’m sure you had your work cut out)

• “My career goal is to shave my talents with a growing company.”

• “My hobbies include raising long-eared rabbis as pets.” (Good Luck!)

From: Funniest typos at this is us

7 steps to publishing your book

I've been an editor for several years, and during that time I've written, edited and published two books of my own. So I have some small idea of what it takes to get published. For aspiring authors with completed manuscripts, or dreamers who are still making notes, keep these 7 tips in mind as you begin the publishing process.

1) Don't rush! Take your time, write a first draft. Then put it away for 3 months and come back very critically. Write it again, and again. Most authors are excited about what should be their 'rough draft' - get it professionally edited (which fixes the little stuff like typos when the big stuff is so much more important) and then send it out. If your amazing title/novel/non-fiction book idea gets rejected because you hurried the process, you won't be able to pitch it to the same people later on!

2) Look at the forest, not the trees. Look at the big picture. The timeline, the story, the overall message. Make sure your story matters; the story is important for readers - readers will stick with a good story even if the writing is terrible. Likewise, if your writing is GREAT but you make crucial errors in plot, timing, characterization etc... you will lose your readers. Don't worry about specific passages or words, worry about what happens, and why, and why it MATTERS.

3) Create conflict! Good stories are never be about nice, beautiful things. They are about challenge and growth. Even if you don't like the idea of a 'format' - you should have characters that face obstacles, enemies, hardships, challenges. These should GET WORSE throughout the book. Nothing should be resolved until the very, very end. Show readers the very worst possible thing that could happen - and then make it happen!

4) Have realistic characters. If you're writing a historical piece - research exactly how people talked during that time; don't guess. For anything modern or current, make sure the character sounds believable. When people talk to each other, we usually use very simple words. If you wouldn't say it to a friend while chatting online, don't have your character say it (unless you mean them to sound pretentious!) Also make sure your characters do things for a reason, and that whatever they are doing is very important to them.

5) Focus on your plot. Every scene needs to have something that happens to further the plot. No exceptions. Everything the characters see, do, say, touch or feel must be relevant to the final outcome of the story (it should lead to greater conflict, and then final resolution). Most writers have very pleasant or well-written scenes that break this rule. Once you've begun your story, readers are interested in what's going to happen with the main plot - subplots are only allowed if they are absolutely necessary for the conclusion of the main plot. If it doesn't bring the story into more conflict or closer to resolution, it's a detour and readers will hate it - I know it's tough but it must be cut out.

6) Make it marketable. This includes having a brilliant title, awesome chapter headings, electric openings and thrilling chapter conclusions. You'll also need a perfect query letter. There are lots of resources on the internet about these things. Before you even begin to look for agents or publishers, you MUST present a finished, professional final package. While your package will be of no use without a great book as well - having a great book without such a package is just as useless. A non-fiction book proposal is more demanding, but also easier to get accepted. The trick is research, preparation and diligence; not as much fun as writing but twice as important if you want to get published.

7) Agents, then publishers. There is no rule on who to submit to; but my advice is agents first, publishers later. Agents are only interested in potentially best-selling books, which will generate enough profit for them to make decent cut. Agents will help get your book into a bigger publishing house, for more money - and that's great. So by all means, contact all the agents in the world (that are reputable and deal with your genre or subject matter) and wait at least 1 month to hear from them. If they all reject you, don't fret. It can mean one of two things:

1) Your book isn't good enough. Triple check it, have an editor or book club review it and make it better.

2) Your book isn't 'mainstream' enough. If you know your book is brilliant, but you recognize that it isn't for everybody, then there's a reason agents don't want you. Look for a publishing house that has published similar titles. Any small publishing house is fine - getting it 'published' by anybody will carry more weight for your career later than self publishing it, it will also give you a huge confidence boost. Don't worry about the money for the first book. Concentrate on learning the business of publishing and getting your book in print; after you've succeeded once, you can do it again.

Never, never, never give up! There is someone out there who wants to read what you want to write - but at the same time, make sure you learn your craft well enough to make it worth their time.

Self-help and personal growth book editing and proofreading

I've been noticing lately a huge number of new writing projects that involve self help or personal growth. That's great for me, because I love editing and proofreading these kinds of books. As a philosophy/religion major with an esoteric bent and interest in mysticism, I can't think of a better way to spend my day than perusing a self-help book.

However - unfortunately, many authors seems to be churning out self-help manuscripts intent on writing a best-seller and making lots of money, rather than actually saying something interesting. And so some of the books I'm getting are really about 100K of fluff - which is a waste of my time (and the author's).

Yes, self-help books can be very profitable. Everybody likes to read about how they can fulfill their dreams and get whatever they want, and will always be interested in learning new skills to make that happen.

But if you want them to buy your book, you need to provide them with something in return! Here are some tips.
1)You must teach some practical skill, tip or technique. Everybody knows the common "think positively" or "imagine what you want" or "never give up" bs. You need something more clever, something new. You need a principle, or a 5-step process, or 10 rules to live by. Something concrete, yet simple.

2) In the introduction, tell readers all about the book, what they will learn, what you will provide, you're 7 steps or whatever. Don't 'withhold' - give. Entice.

3) Every chapter should be about one thing and one thing only. Explain it (in your own words!!) for several pages BEFORE you get into analogies, examples, parables and anecdotes. I've seen self-help books that are ONLY analogies, examples, parables and anecdotes... without any content. Make sure your examples are uplifting, motivational, specific, and true - and relevant to what you are saying.

4) Be simple. Write in a clean, conversational tone. Many of the best selling self-help books in the world have been kid-stuff, like 'how moved my cheese' or 'the alchemist' or 'Jonathan livingston seagull'. (And if you haven't read those - you should).

If you have a you have a self-help or personal growth book you need editing and proofreading for, or if you have any other great project that you need edited, contact me at teosocrates(at)yahoo.com, or visit my website www.paper-perfect-editing.com for a free and instant price quote.

Novel and book editing and proofreading

I saved this post as a 'draft' about a year ago with very little content - since then I've edited about a dozen novels, books, fiction and non-fiction manuscripts, including several science fiction, fantasy, self-help, spiritual, and dissertations.

Whether you're a writer or an editor of any kind of book, you're going to be called upon to make it as good as can be. As a writer, you simply cannot avoid the task of self-editing. As an editor or proofreader, it is of course your job - your reputation is on the line.

This post will describe what I find to be the most useful, and most necessary, tricks and tips for properly editing a very large manuscript (50k+).

1) Focus on the forest, not the trees!! Far too often I've gone through a manuscript, fine-tuning every sentence, clarifying the writing, the spelling, the grammar and punctuation, only to find out at the end that the author has said very little, the organization is poor, the whole project, in fact, stinks. There's nothing at all wrong with this; many book ideas start out bad... the trick is how to make them good. But why waste time and money fixing all the little things - the big things are much more important!! Ask the author if they would be willing to undergo a 2 stage process, or at least warn them that the big things are in more dire need or attention that the little things.

The best way to edit a book or manuscript is to skim through for ideas and content, repetition, organization, main points, etc. Get a feel for what the author is trying to say; the story they want to tell; they idea. Is the book, in itself, successful? Why or what not? What needs to be fixed? Be very critical in addressing these needs, for if the forest doesn't work, the trees don't matter.

2) Once the author has been given time to reflect on these big ideas, has rewritten it several times, skim again and see if the book is in fact better. Ideally it should all hold together; it should 'hold water'. Individual words, bad writing, cliches, can all be fixed once the book is strong in itself. Hopefully, by now, it is.

The next step is simply to clean it up. If you've taken care of the big issues, this part should be time-consuming but also much easier, as you're dealing with simple things like spelling and grammar instead of major rewriting or content (proofreading, not editing).

3) Finally, and very last, polish it to make it look good visually. This means checking font text and size consistency, spacing, title headings, etc. If you're editing a manuscript to submit to a publisher or agent, keep in mind that they will have their own specific requirements (12pt Times New Roman, double spaced, etc.)

Following this order will produce a much more profound manuscript, guaranteed for success.

For more editing and proofreading tips or services, visit http://www.paper-perfect-editing.com.

Thesis and Dissertation Editing and Proofreading

Most people who contact with with a thesis or dissertation to edit are concerned with price and time. Thus is the nature of the game: theses and dissertations invariably have a deadline, and just as invariably, students and postgraduates will put off the work until just before the paper is due, and suddenly seek out an editor hastily.

There's nothing necessarily wrong with this; if you're an editor, you've got to be prepared to work long and hard on a moment's notice. I'll often be pleasantly surprised with 20,000 word paper that needs to be finished ASAP.

Even so - don't lose track of what's important in a thesis or dissertation. Sure, punctuation, grammar, spelling should all be flawless. However, at the same time and probably much more important is the content, that also needs to be checked. A few careful remarks by a capable editor can catch mistakes in logic or reasoning that would otherwise sink a thesis or dissertation.

Do it right! It's actually pretty simple.

1) The thesis or dissertation should have ONE main focus or topic, called the 'thesis statement' or main claim. It should be in the introduction, hopefully within the first couple of pages. It should be one sentence long, one paragraph at most. Often I've found bits and pieces of statements strewn throughout a dissertation - it must be all together, tight and focused, in the beginning. Find it, flag it, suggest a relocation if necessary.

2) Hopefully there will be a nice clean outline in the introduction, along the lines of "This is what we will argue. This is how we will argue it. First...then...next...after that...finally". It should be there; it's called the chapter outline and is usually required. If it's missing, flag it. It's easy to write, especially when the rest is finished.

3) Each chapter should have a focus. Each chapter should be introduced along the lines of "in the last chapter, we found/discovered/argued.... In this chapter, we will X, by A, B and C". Always provide a map. Tell readers what you want to do, how you're going to do it, and then DO it. This way your argument will be so much more powerful and convincing (even if it isn't really, it will seem as if it is.)

4) Include and cite references correctly, using the format you are required to use (tell the editor what it is; editors you should ask). MLA, Chicago, APA... they're all unique. Editors honestly don't have time to fix everything, so writers make sure they're pretty close to good - ie you tried your best. We'll catch little things, but can't completely rework everything.

5) CONCLUDE. Too many theses or dissertations simply die off quietly (probably because students secretly hope their advisors won't actually read the whole thing).

Even if they don't read your paper word-for-word, you can bet that they'll flip to the conclusion, which should recap your entire argument, paraphrase your main argument and evidences, and very definitively reiterate how and why you've actually proved what you set out to prove (or, been surprised by the results which suggested something you didn't set out to find.)

The conclusion is very important - a lot of the paper can be fluff. It's hard to be perfect everywhere. Make sure your very best and strongest writing is in the introduction and conclusion, make sure the rest sticks to the basic outline you proposed, and you'll be fine.

For thesis or dissertation editing services, visit http://www.paper-perfect-editing.com

Editing embarrassing mistakes

I've been busy recently. I sometimes prefer to edit rough documents, because I feel like I'm really making substantial changes and my clients' are 'getting their money's worth'. However, there is nothing so satisfying as catching a mistake which would have been embarrassing.

In a publication on businesses in the EU - I just changed "Pubic region" to "Public region." That's pretty funny. Well worth the price of an editor to fix a mistake like that. :)

How much should you charge/pay for proofreading or editing?

Editing is a fickle business. There are editors living in 3rd world countries that can live very well on $10 a day, who can afford to charge a very low rate. Other editors live in nice houses in expensive cities and need to charge more. Some editors are university graduates, some have PhD's. Some are very good, and some aren't.

As an editor - how much should you charge? As a writer, how much should you pay? Unfortunately there is no standard 'going rate' for editing; editors have unique styles and services. Prices can depend on level and depth of editing, on turnaround speed and other variables. Here are a few tips to make sure you're charging/paying the right amount.

For Editors:
If you're a freelance editor, you need to find a way to charge fairly and consistently. Your price has to reflect your quality and skill level, but also be competitive. A good strategy: Search through about 10 editing sites that you like and that are offering similar services; ie your competitors. Look at how they charge and how much - and then shoot for an average. If the cheapest is $10 an hour and the most expensive is $50, settle on about $25. Although everybody is searching for a bargain and a good deal, when it comes to editing people are already afraid that the service won't be good enough. They are paying for editing because they NEED their writing to be great, flawless, perfect. Therefore price is rarely the determining factor. They want the best editor, most experienced and most suited to their project. So as long as your price is reasonable, you're probably OK.

You should also look at how much you'd like to make per hour. There are many ways to charge clients - personally I prefer by word (or page, although that can be less precise) because it lets visitors check exactly how much their project will cost right away. But figure out how many words you can edit in an hour, and based on that, how much you need to charge per word. I think $15 an hour is a pretty reasonable rate for editing - although some editors make much more. Therefore - if I can edit 1000 words an hour, I could charge $.015 per word.

For Writers:
Now that you've gained these peaks into the business of editing, you writers should have a better idea of what to expect. Choosing a qualified editor can be difficult. Don't assume that the most expensive is the best, and also don't assume the the cheapest is untrustworthy. Read the editing services site, read the testimonials and see if they sound genuine. If it's possible (and it should be!) send them a 1 page sample and see how well they do.

Compare a few sites and get some price quotes - then you can set a reasonable budget for yourself; it should be a price that you feel comfortable with and that you think should be enough to get a qualified editor. If you want a bargain - email some of the more expensive sites and ask them if they will drop their price... many of them will.

You can also search freelance sites like guru.com or elance.com and get freelance editors.